The Atomic Structure of Relationship

Figuring out relationships and how to create successful ones has been a huge milestone in my healing process. There is a natural structure that can help us to understand how relationships work and how to create a strong, positive one.
Here is an exploration into the analogy...

Everything that is created and in fact all that exists does so because of relationship. Gender and the dynamic of dichotomy between masculine and feminine the balance of positive and negative, is a natural law of our universe; is what makes all life, as we know it, possible. It is a constant push-pull motion in a wonderfully complex balance that is creation in the form of matter. This dynamic that we are all a constant part of we are not taught how to master.

For me growing up in a dysfunctional family, my relationship to relationships was confusing to say the least! Finding myself in a repeating pattern of unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships, time after time, broke me...several times. As I got older, as I had to deal with more trauma, seemingly more complex relationship dynamics with more to consider and bigger effects from this pattern. For my health and wellbeing it had to stop, that and I wanted to understand how to maintain the positive aspect of relationships I was naturally able to create. Over time observing myself and others through many situations and in different relationships I have been forced to see the dynamics, notice and own the behaviours I was contributing to it and find effective ways to change my behaviour.

I can't help but wonder though, had I been taught as part of my eduction what makes a relationship positive and how to manage the negative aspects of relationships, had I been given the tools and skills needed to communicate effectively my needs and set appropriate boundaries, all this difficulty could have been overcome. Maybe some relationships could have been saved and perhaps hurts avoided.

For me, I am very good naturally connecting with people. I have an open personality, I am empathic and I like people. The initial connection was never a problem for me. Issues would arise over time when I would find myself giving too much, or sharing too much, or expecting too much, accepting too much and attaching too much. In essence I was totally codependent within relationships and totally unaware of it.

Recently when looking at my patterns within new relationships I was creating I found myself seeking an understanding of how to manage the emotions of a new relationship. I needed to learn how to deal with the expected contrasts as they arise and how to create boundaries with people without pushing them away or causing unnecessary conflict. If only there was a formula to follow or an understanding of a heathy dynamic I could comprehend. I started to consider all I had learned and found an analogy that worked for me.

My mind likes to link my knowledge of nature and I see formations of patterns and natural elements of life easily. Since one the relationships I was developing with with someone who related better with science I developed an analogy based upon the structure of a (carbon) atom. This is my translation, as I understand it of how an atom is formed to create matter in the universe.

• An atom compromises of a positively charged nucleus; formed from the equal and opposing forces created by positive charges of protons and neutrons.
• The nucleus is circled by electrons which are negatively charged and are external to the nucleus. Electrons are attracted to the positive charge of the nucleus.
• A newly formed nucleus has a stronger positive charge created by the initial dynamic of the push and pull created by the protons and neutron, this attracts larger electrons to it.
• It is the circling of the electrons around the nucleus that create matter.
• Over time as the positive charge stabilises within the nucleus, larger elections are attracted to newer nucleus and smaller negative charges of the electrons surround it. The matter becomes more solid.

In order for a relationship to form and then for it to matter we must follow the same natural principles as found in the atom.


If we consider protons and neutrons as the two participants of the relationship; it is their positive aspects accepted through neutrality, in a natural and equally opposing push and pull which will create a positive nucleus. In this case the nucleus being a positive relationship.

• Lets consider protons to be the positive intentions, attention or action of a person in the relationship, they attract neutrons by pulling them through this natural state.

• A neutron then represents someone who is neutral to receiving another person (someone stable in their sense of self in relation to meeting another), they are attracted to the positive attributes of the proton and will push towards it.
• There must be a proton to attract the neutron, which is pulled towards it, but the neutron is in it's essence neutral, so for the health of the dynamic in the relationship each party must be able to hold the neutrality of the positive traits of the other.

In other words, a person may seem wonderful and amazing when first meeting them, but we all know people have many aspects. We are attracted to the positive traits. In order for a heathy bond to be made, do not attach too much to the positive characteristics of the other.


Explaining further, as people we are not fixed. We can have positive emotions, thoughts, feelings and negative ones. We can also find a space of alignment in neutrality where we are simply being and not expecting or needing another. TO actualise as a sovereign we become solid in our sense of self and realise we can meet our own needs. We might want to share our experiences with another person but we do not depend upon that. We do not need them to be a positive influence for us to be positive.
In relationship, if you attach to much, if you are try to take the positive charge from someone else to fill a void in yourself. It is also true that is you are not giving a positive charge then you can not attract a neutral person or create a positive (healthy) relationship. If you are only seeing or chasing the positive aspects of a person because you want them to make you positive, then a nucleus can not be formed. The strength of the bond of the interaction is created in the flow of positivity and neutrality between both parties in equal and opposing states.


The next level of the relationship begins when our negative aspects, the reasons we potentially might want or need another person to support us will inevitable arise from the charge created. We will be at some point be triggered by the energy and motion of it all.

• Once we have created this push pull and a relationship is formed, a positively charged one, which will then begin to attract negative external influences ( electrons), that wish to feed of the new energy. It is vital to realise this is a natural process when creating something new. External influences could be our past baggage, or our physical limitations or our bad habits or restrictions placed on us through travel etc etc.
• When a new relationship is formed the positive charge is stronger and will attract larger (more significant) negativity charged, external influences (electrons). These large electrons need to be accepted first before the relationship can become stable.
• In order to make a relationship matter, at this stage you must stabilise the positive charge of the connection by dealing with the negative external influences that would effect your positive relationship, using your positive attraction of opposing characteristics and skills in sovereign neutrality.
  
  
  

Over time as you are able to keep the positive push pull and find the balance between the two aspects of the nucleus, the external influences will become less negative; they will effect the stability of the relationship less and less. As it grows the relationship becomes less positively charged but it is more solid in it's matter.

In other words, to create a successful, positive relationship that matters we need to be prepared to use the energetic charge when we first meet and interact with someone to work through the biggest opposing challenges to the relationship. If you are able to do that using your positive traits then the relationship will become stronger, then ultimately more stable.


At the core of using this analogy to begin a new relationship you must be able to both stand in your neutrality as an individual who would like a relationship but does not need it and be able to present the other with your most positive aspects. You need to be aware the energy will trigger your negative aspects to be seen and acknowledged and they must be dealt with using the same dynamic that created the relationship (positivity and neutrality).


To use this information to your advantage to attract a new partner it requires you to know what your positive attributes are in both your masculine and feminine energetic traits to be able to use them to your advantage. You need self awareness to be able to notice the natural push and pull to work with your partner.
The balance in ourselves would be found through giving a positive energy out in order to attract a (balanced) neutral person. The natural response then from the originally neutral person to your positive attributes is to become positively charged and move towards you, at this point you then need to become neutral to that effect and accept their positive traits, which will likely lead to an attraction. The dance is then for the other party to remain neutral to the now stronger attraction created.

The main point being if you want a relationship to matter, if you want it to become stable and more solid, you need to be prepared to deal with the negative forces in the relationship as external to it. They need to be addressed as they present themselves and the big issues will come up first, before the whole situation (atom) can become stable. The push pull of positive and neutral is the only healthy way to maintain the charge of the relationship for longevity.
We need to be accepting of the other, see their positive traits but neutrally, knowing they are flawed people and not attaching to them for your own benefit. When we consider the negative aspects of a person as inherit to them we will not be attracted to them, nor them to us.
To be attractive we need to be positive an neutral and be aware of this dynamic within us. If you are a neutron see them as a proton, if they are behaving like a neutron be the proton and vice versa. This creates a positive environment for a relationship. It is inevitable.

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