Surviving Trauma Town

Welcome to the beginning...
My introduction to the theory.

I have a theory. It is a big, complex, web of a theory that will take me some time to unpack. This blog is the unpacking of that theory in written form.

My theory, in it's simplest form is that I believe populations of people have been systematically put into a sort of Stockholm Syndrome type trance, using mental, physical, emotional and spirtual abuse, spanning over hundreds of years. What we are experincing as a global community now has been in motion for a long time and unless we can see the truth of our situation, we will bcome pawns in a war between ourselves, we never realised we were in.

This theory is not mine per say, it is many thories strung together through my personal life experience. It has happened by chance but seemily the information I have gathered through my life seems to uncover a massive, global control mechnaism. It has taken me more than seven years to relaise and put all the pieces together. Now I understand the web I would like to try and suport others who think they see it to, to make sense of their version of it.

I think we all have verions of the same theory through the living of our lives. We know the truth, always, we have just been taught to avoid the truth, always.  My version of the "play" or "story", as I sometimes refer to it, is one of detective work, history, science and research from my own curiousty, a need to understand and magic, energy and etheric guidance from spiritual realms. We are all involved in this play, on every level (mental, emotional, physcial and spiritual) whether we are aware of it or not. Whether we believe in that sort of thing or not; denial does not exempt you from mass manipulation. The intention behind the roles within the story we collectively create, vary. We have been pulled into a massive control drama as part of some sort of toxic family structure, which is about to completely fall apart. Unless you are aware of the stream you are following and how your energy is being used, you are likley just flowing with the crowd to a huge disaster.

As individuals we are generally all useless against our brainwashing yet as soverign individuals we all have the power to choose for ourselves. Making choices asleep and unaware is not a sensible option, I want to help wake people up so they are able to make choice whilst they are awake. All I am going to do is reveal the truths I have uncovered. Some people will resonate with my style of telling this theory, others won't. I hope people will take what they need, leave what they don't.

My intention is to tell a story of healing and not to blame anyone, yet I will hold accountable all the injustices I have witnessed, even if it is just through words on a screen. They will be witnessed. It is only when we learn to face and witness the effects of all roles in the play, can we recover from them.

I will talk about myself...alot probably. Does it mean I think I am claiming to know everything? No, it means I know my experince and trust it. It is time we all start to piece together our stories so we can verify our truths and begin living in that space. So, in this blog I will be sharing about myself, my hope would be I inspire others to start sharing too, in whatever way they feel comfortable, with who ever they feel it is important to. This is just where I was urged to go.

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Starting to understand my role in the play...

It feels like this blog has been a long time, in fact a lifetime, in the making yet it took a spontaneous moment of "I don't give a fuck!" for me to decide to tippy-tap it into action. After spending 25 years in silence afraid to speak my truth. Worried other people might be hurt or upset while I suffered in mental, emotional, physical and spiritual agony. I was living in Hell and blessed enough tot be given glimpses of Heaven I managed to survive the depths.
I have so much I want to share, explore, unpack, analyse...for myself mainly, so I can understand it, own it, name it, heal from it, forgive it and move on. I am here now making a choice to draw a line and move on and leaving the emotional charge, the untold energy of secrecy aside and move forward into truth. I have decided to step out into the world as myself and let everyone else worry about healing from their pain.

My healing journey has become addictive as I become stronger and healthier and more and more certain of myself every day. My experience, my view point and the value I can bring to the world. Why would that be a revelation... well because I have spent my life believing it wasn't. There were periods I managed to find myself and forget the bullshit, those precious moments and experience that have kept me alive and sane enough to not give up on my personal quest for truth.
For as long as I can remember I have either been ignored or bullied and my adaption was to try and figure out exactly what was wrong with me to protect myself from it happening again and again in a tragic, never ending cycle. It has been an epic journey with many layers of understanding and experience to unpack which I am ready and excited to begin sorting through and filing away.

I have no illusions of myself or illusions of perfection I don't believe in my rightness I don't want to prove anyone's wrongness. I am very aware of my faults, flaws and mistakes I have made and I am ready to understand the role I have played in the trauma and abuse cycle of life, as well all have. I am a work in progress and ever changing work of art like life is, like the play is, like the sky.
I love to know, for myself, I love to understand the story as it unfolds as well as to try and grasp the concept of the strategy behind the moved of life. Everyone has a unique view of the play and it is in the conversation after we all get to enjoy the subtle elements of it's beauty or singular view missed. I use nature to try and understand my version of the play and I make stories of the connections between its threads. All I can know is myself, my perspective and what I have lived through.

For me, this is a micro and a macro journey. It stems from my personal experience to the experience of an entire town, to the experience of our entire humanity which is mirrored in the story of our mother Earth and her epic saga with our multiversal energies.

My world is one of images and feelings. I observe deeply and take in massive amounts of information. Psychologists have call it hyper-vigilance (I think). It is a panic response, a symptom of PTSD and/or CPTSD. It is one of my responses to trauma and it means I notice pretty much everything and record it. I notice everything I see in super high detail and I feel vibrations, emotions and energies very intensely, I have sound aversions as well as our usual human sensory abilities. The problem with my extra-sensory ability is that I have to process a lot of information in order to make sense of it, which takes a lot of time and energy. It makes me highly sensitive, an emotional reactor and a power plant of energy that I have to transmute. This is my trauma super power and it is a wonderful blessing and a challenging burden at times. I am not "normal" nor will I ever be...or ever would I want to be given my experiences!

I know myself now I know who I am, what I am capable of, where my limits are. I know my motivations, my fears, I know what I need, how to get it and how to keep myself safe, eventually. I know my mind and I am sane now, I think fo myself and make my own decisions. I have learnt how to be a healthy adult and am practicing living it.
It has taken years, a horrid epic struggle and massive amounts of dedication to get to this point. Telling my story will take some time and I want to tell it so those who are attracted to it and resonate with my experiences my find some solidarity with their experiences too and catch their sanity too.
I was never taught how to be healthy adult, not in real life. On paper I was but it didn't seem real, it all felt so false and untrue and now I know why and want to understand where perception and experiences meet and find truth. If I was never taught how to thrive, why? Was it intentional, accidental or incidental?

I am ready to explore...