My Awakening

My Awakening

An intimate exploration into my Awakening process and where it all began...

Through a series of exressions I will try and untangle my experiences with you and understand the wisdom within them.

My quest for an honest and accepting world has lead me to the gashtly realisation that it all starts with me. It is my fear and shame that stop me from being my best self and same is true for the offences of our humanity. To be the change I want to see in the world I must be free to express my truth and understand my shadow in all its forms. Only then can true healing take place and fear be replaced with love, war with peace, conflict with harmony.

This is my effort to begin building the bridges of acceptance and authenticity...

I, this physical expression of humanity, was born in 1983 in a northern town in the midst of loosing it's spirit, to two parents who I never saw love one another. I have a sister who is two years younger than me and many family members close and far who have helped to shape who I am and how I have seen this world.
I have always been "different", I have always been a dreamer, a believer and a searcher. I have lived a life I fear others would not believe possible, I have done what I wanted and never been afraid to try. My life has been filled with experiences, some positive, some negative and all informative. My journey has been one of self discovery and an exploration of humanity.

I spend most of my days in the North East of England, creating on a level I had previously never imagined possible. I have managed to turn my fight for love and peace and nature into a dance. Far from perfect I am learning to accept what I see in the mirror and understand it is not "me" that I am the observer of this experience and in that truth I find peace many days. I am alive. I live. I am unique, I am Free.

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Previously I had been an ambitious teen with sights set on the high life, a life promised through hard work ambition and ruthless determination. I achieved every goal set by society; I got a great education with a degree, got a good job an learned a skill as a photographer, started my own business and done well, expanded and created my own studio I even had my images on magazine covers and on bus billboards.

I worked hard, very hard and as a young adult, I suffered. My suffering was not one physical in nature, it was an emptiness that ran deep through my very existence. I was following all the rules, I was doing everything I had been taught to do and I found behind it emptiness and disappointment. I wondered...

"If I have realized my dream, why aren't I happy?"

This question haunted me until I decided to end the torment and give in to the pain. I made the choice to allow fate to decide my destiny. In 2011 I hit rock bottom and screamed to a God I didn't believe in to let me die or let me learn to be happy.

Little did I know that choice would change my life forever. I was never the same again, my life was never the same again. I was unconcious for two days, I think! We couldn't quite figure out how long. I had taken the proverbial Red Pill without knowing and had my eyes opened to an entire universe I hadn't even imagined could exist.

Since then I have transformed my being into a concious creator. I have manifested great things into existence and had some sensational experinces of spiritual learning.

I have moved my career from graphic design to photography to Permaculture design. I had directed a successful business and launced three social projects. I have trained as a spiritual healer and developed my own methods and techniques for energy healing, I have deveoped my psychic and clarvoyance ability, I have learned to work with Angels and Crystals and the elements of the Earth. I have been able to reconnect with Mother Earth and awaken the Divine Feminie within me, allowing life energy to flow through me. I have trained in hosting and reconnection, activisim and community stratgisiing.

I have also sufferred along the way with disapontments, falitures, crisis, mental health, labelling, relationship breakdown and homelessness. I have managed to make waves towards overcoming and learning how to heal from my childhood neglect and abuse and the damanging effects of our opression based society.

All of this has taught me I am an expanding being capable of mastering many skills and absorbing much knowledge, and so are you.

After what I realise was a ten year journey of self discovery and learning how to be authentic, undoing a lifetime of external socialiing, I have finally learned how to be myself. The difficult part of my journy was to learn how to put it into practice in my life and face the realities of our current society, battling with my flawed humanity, meeting open and ever expanding self-awareness awareness.

Choosing to take back responsibility for my own life, to fully make my own decisions, for authentic reasons, based on my utter most truth is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.

Learning to understand and then use my own life wisdom, to learn to trust my instincts and allow life to flow has been the most exciting experince I have had.

Making a choice to becoming the conscious master of my own making, while learning I can be master of nothing is a turbulent and emotional one. It has been both painful and beautiful. It has brought sufferring and great wisdom for me. This website is a way to try and share my journey, make sense of it and maybe help you along your path too.

I AM. I am here. I am an observer. I am a thinker, I am a feeler; I am wisdom, I am a philosopher, I am a clairvoyant, I am a healer, I am a dreamer, I am a believer, I am a searcher, I am a survivor, I am a warrior, I am a victim, I am crazy, I am an artist, I am a photographer, I am a gardener, I am a cook, I am a creator, I am good, I am evil, I am love, I am hate, I am strong, I am weak, I am honest, I am a director, I am a protector, I am a friend, I am a teacher, I am an animal lover, I am a peace maker, I am a warmonger, I am an antagonist, I am an anarchist, I am a preacher, I am spirit, I am faith, I am despair, I am real, I am alive....I am a Human, being.